


missing your v o i c e

by Cimeni



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hope, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-25 00:46:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2602376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cimeni/pseuds/Cimeni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Would it be easier to turn it off? What's stopping her from doing so?</p>
            </blockquote>





	missing your v o i c e

Sometimes she wonders if it would be easier to turn it all off. She's seen other people do it, seen how they handle their problems, and time and time again, there is someone there to pull them back from that brink. It is what keeps her from doing it, because as much as it breaks her heart, she doesn't think anyone will be there to pull her back.

It is in those moments, just as her mind starts to drift away and leave her in a cloud of darkness, that she almost dives in. What would it feel like to suddenly not feel anything at all? What would it be like to go through the day surviving only for the sake of blood? The hunt thrilled her, it always had, and to throw away her tightly held self-control sounded amazing. Everyone snapped eventually, didn't they?

The sun always rises before she follows through with those urges, those bitter desires. It forces her up and keeps her going, because she's afraid to wallow in her own self-pity for too long. If she does, nothing will pull her back.

Elena doesn't remember. She doesn't remember any of it, how she felt about Damon or the years of her life that were forever changed because of it, and it would be so easy for her to fall back into old habits. It would be so easy for her to bat her eyelashes the right way at Stefan and for him to run to her at full speed, take her in his arms and kiss her senseless, and give destiny what it wanted. Or, a false destiny. Really, she doesn't care enough about the Travelers and their truths or lies to tell the difference between them anymore.

It will always be Elena. It will always be about the pretty young woman with brown hair and perfect skin, and gorgeous eyes, and--

Her best friend. One of her best friends. Bonnie's gone, Bonnie's not coming back. She found peace, Damon said. She found peace and had moved on. How could anyone else move on? They were meant to be here together, meant to go through all of this, and meant to grow old! Or... or as old as they could get, with as screwed up as everything had gotten!

She's processing her way. She's not running. She's letting it all out, and it hurts. It is an ocean of pain crashing down on her, stealing away her desire to breathe, trapping her at the bottom of waves she can't rise against.

It hurts. Everything hurts. Please, just make it stop. Please.

And she knows, as much as it kills her to accept it, as angry as she is, that if he was there and had his arms around her, it would be better. It would be better and she hates that, hates it because all it would take is for him to slam her against the nearest wall and kiss her senseless, take away all her fears and hopelessness, drown in her and let her drown in him.

She blinks, tears still stinging her eyes, and focuses on the paper she has been writing. Reinstantion to Whitmore, will that really make anything better? Will it change anything?

No, but she wants to try, because it was always her dream. Even if she changed, even if her dream changed too, she owed it to the girl she used to be, the girl with golden hair that sparkled like the sun and a smile that could put people in their place.

It's going to take her awhile to get back to that girl, but she wants to. Gods, she so badly wants to.

The first step toward that happened when she picked up her cell phone and noticed there was a new voice mail. Her eyes softened, her heart rose, all at the words recorded.

_"I miss you, Caroline."_

It reminds her that she doesn't want to turn it off, because despite everything that happened, she didn't want to forget the reason why her heart skipped a beat every time she heard his voice.


End file.
